Search me, O God, and know my heart today;
Try me, O Savior, know my thoughts, I pray.
See if there be some wicked way in me;
Cleanse me from every sin and set me free.
-Search Me, O God, James Edwin Orr

"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." - Psalm 139:23-24

was tagged but too passé to post in fb now so post it here instead. had done 1-24 quite long ago actually...

1. my hair has not been combed for more than a year except by the hairdresser when i go for a haircut.

2. i get split hairs--perforated midsection.

3. i have cut my own hair before (all around the head), and my friend's once.

4. the living room couch was my bed for almost the whole of last year.

5. i sleep without a pillow/bolster/blanket.

6. not getting enough sleep gives me constipation on the following day.

7. i'm a deep sleeper who's capable of not hearing the alarm ring.

8. singing keeps me fit because i'll exercise in order to sing better.

9. i like to exercise, even if it's not for singing.

10. i can sing and whistle at the same time.

11. oldies are my favourite genre of music.

12. i was taken care of by a nanny for the first 7 years of my life and had a most wonderful childhood growing up in the company of her children, the other kids she took care of, and her neighbour's children.

13. once, i unknowingly got lost by following a stray cat, and was found still playing with it.

14. when i was quite young, i went for an operation to drain water from my ears and had my adenoids removed. the doctor also extracted two milk teeth because they were loosening. i was angry that he extracted them without my permission--they weren't that loose yet, i was waiting to pluck them out myself, and it wasn't his job anyway.

15. i don't like to do surveys.

16. i dislike attending wedding dinners.

17. i don't like eating oranges because i ate them daily as a child. the same goes for dragonfruit and carrots in recent years.

18. the last time i drank gatorade was in 1996--i was sick in san fransisco and lived on a diet of gatorade for days on doctor's orders due to dehydration. tried all the flavours at that time...gatorade=yuck.

19. i wore braces for one and a half years during which time i abstained from sugar and sweet stuff.

20. i've eaten a live fly before (not by choice!).

21. i can burp at will.

22. i like nighttime because it's quiet and cool.

23. i appreciate people being truthful, all the more when it is easier/more convenient to tell an untruth. honesty is the best policy, and it takes courage (a lot of it sometimes) to be honest!

24. three months ago, i caused a woman in the hdb block next to mine to scream when i sneezed. i glanced over immediately to see she had frozen in the midst of whatever she was doing and her head was turned to look out her window with a scared expression on her face. haha...

25. i think i don't handle disappointment well.

came across this article via gems sty.

am just taking a short break from housework (part i). got to go get dinner now then continue with part ii. what am i going to eat? want happy food but don't feel like stepping out cos i feel icky and don't want to step into the wet outside after all that heavy downpour. oh yah, saw a water spout in the sky just now...

hm...looks like i have to go out anyway. hai.

regular girls feel moody when they get pms. what about emo girls?

am bumming in pasir ris libe, waiting for the time to walk over to the school for work. had a heavy lunch and am feeling terrible sleepy from waking up early today, to the point of tearing in the mere effort of keeping my eyes open, not yawning.

wonder whether to go swimming later. there's tons of laundry to do, too.

ok, it's time to go...

was thinking of what to eat for dinner and realised this would be the last meal of the year. last lunch of the year was a yummy cold cut trio from subway. hm, what shall i have for the last dinner of 2008?

today, the final day of the year, has been uneventful. was super tired from yesterday (and the lack of sleep for so long) so ko-ed till the afternoon, had a late lunch, then surfed online where i still am... will probably do a load of laundry later. hope to continue to catch up with sleep tonight and hope to feel better tomorrow...next year.

see you next year~

soundmach commented on 2008-10-31 07:29 pm:
"sometimes i really wonder if there is someone who loves me enough to deal with all my idiosyncrasies, eccentricities, oddities, abnormalities, and what have you...besides my mother..."

could only swim half of what i had planned due to the rain just now. got stuck in the swimming complex for almost 2 hours just waiting for it to abate. that’s more than twice the amount of time i spent swimming. sian. sat in the canteen and sang to myself till i ran out of songs to sing--most of them were incomplete cos i couldn’t remember all the lyrics—and watched the mynahs fly back and forth.

at about the 1.5hr mark, i called mum at home to ask for help but she was in the middle of a show and asked me to wait till it was over. *peng* by then the downpour had gotten worse and i left my spot to avoid the spray and sat facing the children’s pools. amazingly, they were still having swimming lessons. it looked fun to swim in the rain but i wondered if they didn’t feel cold.

i was beginning to feel skeptical that i would get home anytime soon when the weather finally subsided into a drizzle. i left immediately. the raindrops were still quite big so i whipped out a plastic bag to cover my head and got a move on.

my slippers were…slippery. there i was shuffling quickly like a lady in a kimono, with an ntuc bag over my head, peeking through one of the handles as i precariously made my way home. met two teenage boys coming from the other direction. one of them looked pretty amused and said, “wah…creative…” wah…funny… i was busy trying to keep my balance or i would have given a reply.

my music minors make me make many midis. meanwhile, must masticate meal.

history repeats itself.

i was having lunch with the students from choir #4 in the canteen just now, dressed in that same attire, and the teacher couldn't find me...

the hairdresser seems to have a poor memory; each time i go for a cut, he calls me by a different name...Anita, Nina...this time round i am Natasha, and even have a boyfriend ("your boyfriend didn't come with you?") haha! notice the names are sounding more and more unlike the correct one *peng* i won't be surprised if perhaps one day, he'll think it's Channat. and despite being a chatty guy, he doesn't quite remember what we've talked about cos our conversation is always repeated, the same topics with the same content and comments: what i do and what it's like, singing in choir, how i maintain my hair (shampoo and condition nia, not that complicated, right?), etc. ok lah, maybe this time wasn't so bad--there was slight expansion in the dialogue, heh.

used the old swimming costume for the last time yesterday; found more places where the elastic had peeled than i previously thought, not safe to continue wearing haha... feel sad that i had to throw it away cos it's my favourite--good cutting in nice shades of purple/blue/pink--but glad that it served me well. now, i can start to wear the new ones! *excited*

saw a lovely squirrel at close range earlier today at the bridge while heading to the mrt from church. its brown fur shone beautifully in the sunlight. wish i had a camera then. :(

it's mum's birthday. met her for lunch after church, followed by shopping for bags, which we both needed, in dhoby ghaut exchange (where i made an unexpected discovery and purchase of 2 comfy pairs of shoes: soft black flats and one with blue print and red straps hee~) and plaza sing. spent a total of 5+ hours during which we talked a lot. (must understand, this is a record for us.) we managed to find what we were looking for. actually, i saw what i wanted first and she decided to get it as my birthday present. immediately after buying it, she found a suitable bag for herself in that very shop. so, it was my turn to pay at the counter. hope the sales people didn't think we were weird.

didn't get enough sleep for the whole week, struggling to wake up early for work each day, but on the day that there's no need for it, when i can actually sleep in till late morning, i wake up at around 0630, only to toss around with eyes closed, struggling for about half an hour before returning to sleep. in less than two hours, i am up again...

oh yeah, made appointment to cut hair tomorrow, finally...hairdresser will probably comb it for me. not bad, eh? resisted for so long hehe...

getting from home onto the mrt train took 3 times as long today becos i realised i left my wallet at home only when i was about to reach the gantries. walked 3 times the distance: home → mrt → home → mrt.

when i was finally reaching my intended destination (on foot from the mrt), i learnt that it was not where i thought it was. in my haste earlier, i had searched for directions to the primary school of the same name as the secondary school i wanted to go to. took a bus to the right area, and walked around half the periphery of the school compound just to get to the main gate, and climbed three floors up to the music room.

going home, i walked in the wrong direction to the bus stop which was further away, then retraced my steps to cross the overhead bridge to the opposite bus stop. hai...dunno why whole day like that...feet are aching now.

the weather was good for swimming, not for walking, but that's how i got a workout anyway. really wished i could dunk myself in the pool. nevertheless i got to walk in a part of singapore i'd never been to. realised it was also the first time i alighted at that station and there many other stations i've never gotten off before.

it looked like there would be heavy rain yesterday so i decided to take the long umbrella with me and leave the tiny foldable one at home. absent-minded me forgot to remove it from my bag before setting off so ended up carrying both out. how silly, especially when it didn't rain; of course, it doesn't rain when you bring your umbrella, even more so when you have two. *pfft*

bought new swimming costumes on sunday--the elastic of the old one is peeling--but haven't had the chance to wear cos it rains each time i can go swimming. just like today...sian.

bedok → pasir ris → bedok → pasir ris → bedok

04/11/08: bedok → pasir ris → clementi → bedok → bugis → bedok

the bee-eater is back! the bee-eater is back! yay!! noticed of late that i've not seen it for some time--it appears at certain times of the year--and have been wondering whether the wacky weather (woo~ alliteration) affected it in some way. took some pictures but unfortunately the limited zoom of the camera and being backlit against the sky made it look small and dull in colour.

on a different note, when i stepped on the weighing machine today and saw the reading, i couldn't believe my eyes and had to ask my mum if it was spoilt. sh said no. yay!!

both of us thoroughly enjoyed the boston brass recital yesterday, though i was a tad disappointed they didn't sing as i hoped they would (yes, they can sing!). i shouldn't ask for too much; it was a free performance. yay!!

late in the morning, still in a groggy stupor from having woken up for only a little while, i sensed a tiny gnawing feeling that i had missed some important detail about the day, about that very moment.

picked up the calendar and stared at my handwriting. as the date and time came into focus, so started the palpitations of my heart. it was close to half an hour before practice time and i should have been on the bus halfway across the country already. subsequently, for some horrible reason, no one was contactable who could clarify my doubts. so, i washedfacebrushedteethusedthetoiletfilledwaterbottlepackedbagyelledtomumiwasnoteatinglunchdecidedwhattowearchangedclothespouredacupofwatergulpeditdownworespecsworeshoesgotoutofthehouseintoaliftgotoutoftheliftintoacab, and was on the road, clocking at under 15 minutes.

i do believe i set a new personal best record--not combing hair helps.

throb.throb.throb.

the taxi driver was nice not to talk to me as i hammered away at my handphone with my thumbs trying to get an answer while silently berating myself for not checking the calendar the day before. out of sight, out of mind, my father would say. but truly, work had kept me and my mind extremely busy that day.

as if the pounding heart and knotty tension in my body were not enough, i found out upon almost reaching the destination at the other end of the country that i was not expected to be there! i became dull with haplessness on top of feeling stressed.

then, it turned out i was needed in the end because the one who was supposed to take the practice was unwell. my spirits were raised and there was relief at not making a wasted trip, though still flustered and upset by my mistake which made me late for work and $16 poorer.

then, it turned out that the practice had been pushed to 45 mins later--i had not been informed of it due to the previous misunderstanding that i was not going to be there. ok, now i was too early. looking on the bright side, it made a good impression that should have been bad. not only that, i had over half an hour for lunch to boot. had everything gone according to original schedule, i wouldn’t have eaten anything for the whole day until dinner time.

ate chicken rice add char siew. no, vegetables were too wimpy for me then; i craved meat after all that tumultuous turn of events.

back home, after dinner, meaning to ask my mum whether to keep the food but obviously haywired, i blurted, “you put..you want to put the f-f-salmon* in the fish..the fridge?”

*the 'f-f-' was going to come out as 'fridge'--i could feel my tongue forming the 'r'.

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this if, full of care,
we have no time to stand and stare.
-Leisure, William Henry Davies (1871-1940)

i first came across this poem in my secondary school days--don't remember how, when, or where--and it's been a favourite of mine ever since.

then i read this a little while ago. rather long, but very interesting.